I like to pride myself for always being "busy". I guess it's a trait I got from my mother, somehow always being surrounded by people, always having something to do. There is always a constant noise- someone there to talk to, a movie to watch, people's problems to hear, whatever it was-it always kept me sufficiently occupied. That is, until today.
Today I was forced to spend time with myself. That sounds so funny, I know. It shouldn't feel awakward I guess because considering I live alone, I spend so much time being "on my own". But this was a different feeling altogether. Today I found myself having lunch alone. I spent about five minutes on my phone in an attempt to distract myself. Across the restaurant, I saw another girl-she was also alone. I realized there was something different about her. I kept staring to see, what was it? What was it about her? Then it hit me- she didn't have a phone near her whatsoever. No distractions. She was completely in the moment, enjoying being by herself. Unlike me, she wasn't constantly checking for messages in an effort to fend off loneliness. She was basking in it! It was then that I put my phone down (admittedly, this was easier to do because my battery was low). I decided at that moment, to spend time with myself. I ate lunch, enjoying bite after bite, savoring the flavors instead of keeping up with social media. When I finished, I sat there, watching other people interact- people came and left and there I sat, alone in my own thoughts. Later that day I went to the bookstore and found a book I thought was interesting. I spent the rest of my afternoon reading it. When I walked out, I realized night had fallen. I had spent the rest of my day with myself. The phrase "by myself" reduces you to one person, no friends, no plans. It connotates something negative which, if we are honest, can be the best thing for a person. The feeling of spending time with myself was amazing. I found that I could think clearly, because I wasn't worried about other people. There was no one else's noise in my mind but my own. I was able to find some peace, even if it lasted only a few hours. Most importantly, I realized that I actually enoyed spending time with me. Note to self: We should do this more often.